Netiquette: Instant Message
Posted on 11. Mar, 2010 by Erika Kim in Debate
Our generation has been bombarded with technology that has revolutionized the way we communicate with one another. Before, we were limited to letters, cards, and phone calls to get a hold of someone. Now we have other mediums of communication like emails, instant message, text message, etc. due to the flood of computers, laptops, cell phones, or any other variation or combination of the aforementioned (since now we have camera-video-phone-laptop-mp3 player-navigation-laser-toaster ovens) that we don’t know how to properly use. Email, instant messenger, video chatting, etc. have changed the level of convenience, amount of time it takes to communicate, and the style in which we communicate. Everything is so new (relatively speaking) that we have no set etiquette to follow and the freedom is somewhat paralyzing. Technology has made it easier to keep us connected, but if we don’t know how to use it, it ends up making us just a little more neurotic and ends up separating us even more.
The one program I wanted to deal with specifically was any for of instant messaging programs like AIM, Facebook chat, Skype, MSN messenger, etc. They have changed the way in which we communicate by announcing our availability to several people at once and allowing us to have instant responses.
An instant message is not a phone call. You may be thinking, “Uh… DUH!” But let me explain. When you communicate using a phone, you lose a lot of context clues like facial cues, body language, and the environment around you and the person you’re communicating with. At the same time, however, talking on the phone tends to be more effective means of communication because despite the fact that you lose all those clues, hearing the other person’s voice still has elements of intimacy, and you can almost always immediately clarify ambiguity.
It’s also one of the least elegant mediums of communication for the following reasons: 1. the disconnect between people due to the lack of intimacy, 2. signing on announces your presence and implied availability to everyone and puts you in an awkward situation where you feel a sense of obligation to start a conversation with everyone on your buddy list, 3. unlike a phone where you can hang up at the end of a conversation, there is no elegant way to cut a conversation short when you’ve run out of things to say, 4. sometimes the instant nature of messaging puts an unnecessary pressure and sense of urgency on the conversation. (One minute of AIM silence makes you paranoid about where the other person is and you mentally backtrack thinking of all the parts of the conversation that may have offended the other person).
Things are different when it comes to instant messages. Regardless of how well you know someone, it’s easy to misunderstand or second guess what is meant via text because it’s so detached. This is why emoticons are somewhat necessary to help the meaning get across. For example, if you were to read “That’s funny,” without a smiley, winky face, or lol, it could have several meanings. It might mean exactly what it says, it could be a really mean, passive aggressive comment, or it could mean they were offended by what you said. Without some kind of smiley, winky face, lol, or several follow up clarifying comments, it’s impossible to know what a person means.
Instant messages can be tricky as well because the sense of urgency can be difficult to deal with. Whether you just signed on or are in the middle of a conversation, if you aren’t talking with each other, you get pressured by the fact that you know that the person is sitting right there, and they know you’re sitting right there.
Another issue, and perhaps the most sad one is the fact that most instant messaging programs have a feature that allows users to sign on as invisible (invisible, of course, being the new “away”) indicating that we can’t handle the implied sense of obligation. We are scared of connecting, yet at the same time, the reason why we sign on in the first place is to feel connected to an online community. So basically, what has happened is there are a bunch of people who all sign in as invisible because they’re lonely, but are afraid to start a conversation or get trapped into one by another. It’s like being afraid of the phone. Good thing we’re scared to use the medium of communication to umm… communicate.
The feature may be somewhat necessary because sometimes you sign on and a chat box pops up from that one “crazy girl in history class” before your buddy list even finishes loading, and you get caught in something I like to call the INSTANT MESSAGE TRAP OF DEATH. In this trap you have two options: to either look like a jerk and pretend that you only wanted to sign on for .5 seconds, or talk to her about the nothing she had to say and end up sitting there awkwardly trying to think of things to talk about. It’s because of people like “crazy history class girl” that we have internet problems, so let’s address this.
As dictator for life, I propose that everyone implement the following policies in order to improve/correct the dysfunctions that arise from instant messaging systems. Your benevolent mother leader with facial hair is looking out for you:
Only message someone if you actually have something to say or ask. One of the easiest problems to fix would be the false sense of obligation that arises from signing on. Let people know that if you’re online and don’t message someone, and they don’t message you, neither party should/would be offended.
Don’t do the passive aggressive “I’m here but not” thing, and when you say something, really mean it. For example, if you stay online but don’t want to chat, let people know that it’s not because you hate them; you just don’t need to be chatting.
If you’re shooting them a brief message, let them know that’s all you have to say before you say it, that way you can make a clean break on both sides.
As for other ambiguities, tell people how you operate online. Everyone knows their own style of online behavior. Make sure they can at least get a general idea of your internet persona so they can know what to expect.
The best thing to do is probably to make it clear to people face to face what has happened or will happen online.
Also, this is a small Easter egg and completely random tangent for people who have read this far into the article: does it bug the crap out of anyone else when they’re sending a cell phone text to someone who has a different network and the text gets cut to 160 characters? GOSH! Also, also, don’t send reply texts that only have the word “K” in it.
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unclebob
