Facebook Relatability

Posted on 11. Mar, 2010 by Craig Hickerson in Debate

If I were an alien observing Earth I would guess the primary form of communication used by college students was Facebook. Between the waking moments spent in online chat and the late night status updates, Facebook has become the way young adults relate to each other. Though Facebook is a superb way to keep in touch with long lost friends and family, is it really the best way to converse with the friends you would normally see in person? Do the functions and applications of Facebook really add something worthwhile to your relationships? Let’s take a deeper look at how Facebook affects your online relatability.

When you think about it Facebook is a surreal place. Just imagine what it would look like in the real world. Friends as Mafia members who carry out their dirty duties via pokes, and seemingly normal people in a cutthroat race to get fans for Big Franks. Have we entered some kind of morbid Candyland? One of the oddest Facebook traditions to me is your first interaction with people, the friend request. When I ask someone to be my friend, I know them.  Even Big Franks is one of my old, childhood buddies. However, people of every kind love to ask for a place on my friend list. They may have some creepy message along with their request or simply a smiling profile pic, but every time I am left peering into their profile info and pictures trying desperately to remember where I met them. I would automatically delete them but this isn’t Myspace, there’s no token friend named Tom on this site! There are also those who you know but wish you didn’t. Usually they don’t feel the same way. After giving them a confident “Do Not Accept” it is only a matter of days until you are once again added and left to make the same decision. In my case, after awhile the redundancy gets to me and I’ll accept only to delete them a few weeks later. In all, this whole friend request game is absurd. It’s like slipping a little note to someone on the street asking, “Will you be my friend?” Even though the necessity of this kind of behavior is obvious for privacy and safety reasons, I find that collecting friends like Pokémon cards is a problematic format for conversing with people. This work flow becomes a game. Do people really know the friends they have on their list? Maybe, and maybe not, their mindset is that the more friends they have the better. This view—common at places like Costco—is detrimental. Confusing quality with quantity is a huge danger on Facebook and people need to realize this.

When surfing Facebook, one of the oddest phenomena is the core of Facebook itself: the wall. Beyond the profile photo or the Info tab, the wall projects the thoughts and feelings of you and your friends for the known world to riffle through. This ability to either peer into your friends’ most current events or yell out your own gives up-to-the-second information on the emotional status. For example, as those of you who have seen the movie Avatar know, the wall is like that life-force-thing which all the creatures on Pandora are connected to. When looking at an active friend’s wall it is as if one has plugged in their fiber-optic pony-tale to their trusty steed. When I was new to Facebook this experience was complete with the whole rush and pupil dilatation effect used in the film. So much information! In addition, most of the comments and posts were so personal I had to immediately un-plug and move on to a new friend, which was usually a similar experience to the first. You see, the wall is the real life equivalent of a shouting match between people who have taken an oath to use only witty comments. The wall is a contest of packaging your personal life with clever anecdotes only to be ripped open by others who think they can do it better. Though I admit to participating in the WWE (Witty Word Entertainment) I question the positive effect it has on my friendships. Because I do love being a contributor to discussion, I participate, but given the highly personal nature of many of the comments I have to withhold my need for wit at the cost of another’s emotional livelihood, I can only handle so much of the personal drama. Frankly, I don’t feel Facebook is the best outlet.

Perhaps the strangest characteristic of Facebook society is the fact that when you are on Facebook it becomes socially acceptable to be a stalker. From perusing pictures to checking status updates, it seems odd, but then you realize this is how Facebook functions. How else does one spend hours looking at a website with user generated content? Facebook exploits human curiosity, especially when it comes to the people you know and care about. It is only natural that we are interested in those we share our lives with. I know for myself, I love looking at pictures. It always amazes me the disconnect between how I see some of my friends and the digital projection they create of themselves. Nothing shows this more than a user’s profile pic. Women in seductive poses and men showing off their muscles is the dominant trend. However, there are many anomalies. One of the most absurd are the one or two people on my friend list who actually post profile pics of famous people they think they look like instead of themselves. I have been duped several times thinking, “Who is this glamorous person?” and almost deleting them only to find out upon examination that I actually do know who the person is, they simply neglected to put a real photo of themselves on their profile. Another aspect of Facebook that amazes me is the Info tab. This tab projects the likes and dislikes, political and religious views, dating status, and contact information of a person in a highly compressed fashion. For example, a common practice currently is to be a part of an odd, unknown political party such as The Republican Party of the Virgin Islands. What does this say about a person? That they are quirky? The bottom line is that it is possible to spend hours checking out the odd things people have to say about themselves. Though a digital projection can be a legitimate way of getting to know someone, is it really the most genuine? Or maybe it is even more genuine than meeting with them face to face. Getting to know my friends in this way always confuses me. An expectation is created on Facebook to continually be fun, upbeat, and witty. This description is not who I am. So, getting to know others by stalking them on Facebook may not be the best way to capture their true identity.

The internet has dramatically changed our relationships to each other and a large part of that is thanks to Facebook. Though Facebook seems like a fun harmless way to connect there are things to consider. Facebook isn’t the real world. The organic garden plant requests and fan pages should tell you this. Personal conversations may be best if they stay with close friends and out of the witty banter of mere acquaintances.  In addition, Facebook is not a replacement for personal interaction. Browsing profiles may seem like it gives a true connection to the people you meet but browsing and stalking are very similar in the land of Facebook. Instead of leaving a comment why not ask that special friend out for coffee? Get to know them from their person rather than from their profile. In all, invest in your real relationships and use Facebook to enhance them, not create them.

You Know What I Don’t Like?: Overly Affectionate Couples in the Caf

Posted on 11. Oct, 2009 by K. A. Ratz in Column

You know what I don’t like? Well, you will soon.

I don’t know about you people, but to me, the caf is one of the most disgusting places in the whole world. And no, I’m not even talking about the food. When I go in to EAT somewhere, the only kinds of people I want to see are the kind that are EATING. Seriously, it’s a caf. It’s not like it’s Andre Lobby. Let’s get real here.
I buy my “food” and go sit down. I want to eat the dang food so that I can get to my next class on time. I want to see my friends so that we can all talk about how much we never get to see each other before we all run in seven-thousand different directions. I do NOT want to see people snuggling or running their fingers through each other’s hair or laughing in that ridiculous, obnoxiously high-pitched laugh at something that their boyfriend said that probably was not even that funny. It’s bad enough that I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t need you all to rub it in my face.

You know, if you want to hold hands, fine. I just hope that one of you is left handed so that eating doesn’t get complicated. If you have to feed each other, then let go of the other person’s hand for 5 minutes and eat. Don’t eat off the other persons plate/utensils/fingers. Its gross. That’s a great way to pass the flu. Didn’t you learn anything in health class?

Maybe the best way to solve this problem is to break off a little section of the caf for the overly affectionate couples to sit. I don’t think it would bother them to have the other 40 couples being all lovey-dovey sitting near them if ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE CAFETERIA don’t. Maybe there is a purpose for one of those side rooms, after all. Perhaps another solution to this problem would be to eat your dang food and then go to Andre lobby or outside somewhere. Really, if you would stop touching each other and eat, that would only take you like 15 minutes. That way you still have like 30 minutes to go and snuggle and STILL make it to class on time.
The caf is a place for food. Not a place for you to get your hours worth of affection with your significant other. Food: YES. Touching: NO. Really.

Getting back to the Basics: Body Language

Posted on 11. Oct, 2009 by Jen Cotto in Column

So, you think you got all the right signs? You met him at speed dating at the caf, he smiled a lot, so did you, he listened to what you had to say through the other couple hundred people that were there, he said your name at the end of the two minute date. And then, there you are, walking towards the library; you recognize him, and just as you pass him by and  prepare to make eye contact and say hello—he doesn’t even notice you! At this point you are seriously confused… I mean, he gave all the right signals, right? Or did he…

Trust me; you are not the only one that is confused. Believe it or not, there is more to these signs than you think. Let’s get down to the basics and with body language. Researchers say that about 55% of communication is conveyed through body language. Even if you are trying your very best not to show you like him, or her—we can read it! Think about it: when you are with your boys, and that one girl walks in, everything changes.

So, how do you know you are reading the signs correctly? Well, throw all of your previous theories out the window and read up:

Dr. Ross Buck, a professor of communication sciences and psychology at the University of Connecticut, gives us some basic pointers to pay attention to:

First Impressions, a hand shake: Palm to palm contact expresses an intention of honesty and openness and says that your interaction will be sincere and non-threatening.

The window to the soul: With your eyes you can literally express everything, from sexual interest, to being happy, in pain or simply being annoyed.

Posture: You can see signs of dominance or submissiveness through a person’s posture. Sitting there slumped is going to give a message of insecurity, shame or guilt.

She’s playing with her hair: Believe it or not, this is true! When a girl is playing with her hair, she is totally flirting. Just be careful with this one, if it’s a windy day, she really might be just getting her hair out of her eyes.

So, how can you use this information to send the right message to that boy or girl? First of all, you should become more aware of what you do and how you do it. Pay attention to how you interact with your friends and people you meet.